I have to constantly re-motivate myself and remind myself that what I'm going after is something I don't get to quit. It's not a casual ambition.
It's not something that I think will be cool or neat. It's something that I think matters so much that even though it might cost me a lot I need to go for it.
I'm talking about women on screen.
Women in the media. Women represented in a way that actually represents the full spectrum of women in the world. Women directing stories. Women writing stories. Women working with technology. Women having as much decision-making power as men when it comes to telling the narratives that shape our culture on the big screen and in the mass media.
Right now when I go on to Netflix to find something to watch it usually takes me ages to find anything that I really want to watch. Despite the huge amount of content being created right now, I just rarely find anything that speaks to me as a 30-something female who is interested in things beyond just romance.
This is when you pipe up about this show and that show and this movie that all feature strong female leads.
Yup, you're right. Those shows exist. That movie exists. But I'm talking about numbers. About the sheer number of stories created BY and ABOUT women. And the numbers are low, low, low.
I mean I could just watch rom coms written and directed by men.
And don't get me wrong, I love rom coms as much as the next person. And I have no problem with rom coms made by men. But I want to watch movies written by women, about women, directed by women, that represent diversity.
Because invariably if you do find a movie that is about more than just a woman trying to find the man of her dreams, then it's featuring an all-white cast. And that's just as upsetting to me as an all-male cast.
I don't live in an all-white world or an all-male world or an all-hetero world, so why the frigg would I want to watch that false world play out over and over and over again on a screen.
And yes, I see that there are more females being written.
More strong females. And I get excited. But as I'm watching whatever the latest strong-female thingy is, I usually get the feeling that something is missing. That the female perspective isn't quite right. And then I check the team and see that it's written by a man and directed by a man and produced by a man.
I'm not saying I want men to stop making movies.
Far from it. I just want to see as many movies and TV shows being written and directed and produced by females, so that when I just want to watch a story that actually reflects a female perspective it doesn't take me an hour to find one.
Which is why I don't get to quit.
Because being dejected is easy. Giving up is easy. Complaining is easy. But change doesn't happen when you give up. Change happens when you put one foot in front of the other, keep taking those deep breaths, keep sitting down and doing the work, keep finding inspiration, keep finding ways to love the journey.
Change happens over time. It's a long game. It's a game of persistence and consistency and dedication and love.
That's the one we often forget.
When you see something you love and you want it to change then you participate in bringing that change to life.
Quitting is a privilege that you forgo when you decide that something matters more than your own comfort.